Mathematicians protest to free “highly calculating” teacher

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160401 jailApril 1, 2016. Sets of prominent mathematicians rallied today to demand the release of an imprisoned mathematics teacher on the anniversary of his arrest. Ten years ago, he was apprehended boarding an international flight while in possession of a ruler, protractor, setsquare, and calculator. He is being held in Geometer’s Bay, charged with transporting weapons of math instruction.

A spokesman for Heavily Organized Armed Security (HOAX) declared that the man is dangerous. “He belongs to a cult that derives its teaching from a code known as the Axioms. These people are highly calculating.” It has been rumoured that the detainee is a member of the powerful group Al-Gebra, who follow their Ruler, reputed to be a straightforward hardliner.  A dogmatist, he asserts that just two points are enough to determine his unique party line.

“Al-Gebra is a notorious cult,” insists the security spokesman. “They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They use secret code names like ‘x’ and ‘y’ and refer to themselves as ‘unknowns,’ but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medi-eval, with co-ordinates in every country. They test the limits.”

At today’s rally, the leader sined and hundreds of others cosined a petition for the teacher’s release, insisting on the importance of proof.

Current political candidate Dawn Trumpet commented dismissively on the protest. “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.”


I’ve adapted this report, with thanks, from: GrrlScientist, “Teacher Arrested at JFK Airport in NYC”, Science Blogs, April 20, 2006.


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